Part two of my Soul Sistas, Her Story series is here and ready for you…….
The tidal wave of betrayal and deception smashed through the house and battered the five little blonde heads like rag dolls. The children’s dinner had stained my apron and it fluttered to the ground in horror. My broken heart shattered like a stained glass window. The hollow sound of the devil knocking.
The months ahead were long. Dark. Lonely. Seemingly never ending. Cold.
However, there was a glimmer of warmth that was coming from a shining beacon on the horizon.
A lighthouse of faint hope.
Friend’s and family’s faith when mine was wavering like tall grasses in the wind.
The light, although distant at times, never completely left during that time despite my weakness.
Despair, hopelessness. This was too big to endure Lord!
As the months went on, the beacon grew stronger. As did my strength through Jesus.
Light began to flood the darkness … although the enemy’s claws were still so close to pulling me back into the pit.
Every minute of every hellish day I battled to keep back from the edge of that pit with those hungry claws waiting to devour my soul.
Prayer wrapped around me. I could feel those prayers.
And it was through these months, in my own private jail cell, I learned the realness of the forgiveness journey.
It begins with the words.
I forgive you. The whisper. The stumble of the tongue. I forgive you.
But words will only touch the surface. Like licking the sugar topping off a delicious muffin.
The sweet words that our loved ones on the end of the receiving long to hear. Hunger to hear in their own walk of repentance and healing. But the loved one needs more than a sugar topping. Their hunger is great.
We all are offenders.
We all need to believe that “I Forgive You” is real.
The words we read in the bible. Gods own word.
But what is forgiveness? How can I really show the truth behind those words?
How can I do that when the pain is slowly killing my heart?
When my joy has been stolen?
That is when God’s word stands firm.
My obedience to the Father is the rock. The anchor.
He commands it.
Obedience is my only option.
So forgiveness begins as a command.
Love Thy Neighbour.
I have to. But how do I believe it?
Is it as simple as uttering those three little words?
“I forgive you.”
As is my journey in Christ, real forgiveness is indeed one step at a time.
As I have learned over and over since that awful night that the devil came knocking on my front door, it is far from a simple journey.
Yes, the journey of forgiveness does begin with those three words.
Then it is living the words.
It is breathing the words.
But most importantly of all – which is the key to real forgiveness and that raises the defenses and is so selfless … so unpopular …
It is the uttering “please forgive me” because we are all offenders. We all hurt, lie, betray … and need forgiveness.
We are all sinners.
I had sinned in my marriage.
I needed to be humble and genuine as I uttered my own “please forgive me”.
I hear your objections…
Humbleness in front of the person that you are forgiving?
The world screams… in justice. Victim. Offender.
I deserve better….
No, my friend. What I deserve has nothing to do with real forgiveness. I have to offer forgiveness and I pray that you will forgive me.
During those long months…
It was on my lips the first thing when I woke in the morning, alone and lonely, and the last thing on my lips when I fell asleep on wet tear stained pillows that night.
Forgiveness can’t just be uttered out loud…
Then in the next breath, condemnation and bitterness biting out like a viper. Stinging, lashing words just as evil as the storm that had blown in at the beginning.
It is leaving the past where it remains.
The enemy likes to remind me of the past every chance he gets but real forgiveness needs to leave the offences firmly in the past.
This is also a one step at a time journey.
The enemy only has the past to bring me back down into the pit.
The claws that are hungrily trying to grab me as I struggle to keep away from the crumbling edge.
The roaring lion will not go quietly.
Love you my friend, again THANKYOU for sharing the inner most thoughts of your heart xo